Origami Tales

My current boyfriend is really sweet and gave me this as a present. The origami is really neat and pretty and after I was done admiring it, I remembered how terrible I am at origami. And how terrible I am at...any 3D art in general! Ever since I was young I never grasped the art of making pretty stuff out of paper or cardboard or anything that involved gluing and cutting and folding. Ohhhh my god, it was so bad. It was so bad to the point that my parents actually felt bad that I was trying but could not do it to save my life. They ended up doing all of my projects that involved models up till about I graduated high school. And even then they would help me out with the projects. A good portion was my parents doing it and it ended up looking obviously done by them. What 5th grader could actually construct an Eiffel tower out of cut wire and hot glue. Not this 5th grader. This 5th grader cried because even though she tried, she couldn't do it. Which sucks because that is life. That's life when instead of trying to learn from your mistakes, you keep repeating them. Recently, I went through probably the hardest class I have ever taken in my life so far. An intro to oil painting class. It was terrible. Actually, no, it was a lot of fun. I loved it. BUT, even so, I spent hours upon hours finishing up paintings to get an A and fall short and up with a B.

See the thing about this artsy stuff is that no one really cares. Haha. That's not true but to an extent there is a level of "it doesn't matter because when are you actually going to need these skills". People will ask you why it matters to you so much that you can't paint a bottle. And I guess you don't really notice that it bothers you until you're in a classroom at 3 am trying to figure it out because you're probably the slowest learner in the class. And you come up to the next class session and realize that everyone put twice the effort you did and got a better looking bottle. I mean, obviously. This time no one was helping you out in an area you struggle with the most. No one to hold your hand and guide you through what you have to do. "It's just a painting and you're not even a painting major!" Even so, my friends, even so. I will not lie and say it doesn't bother me that I can't do something right. It's frustrating when your whole life you kinda just spent it gliding by the easiest academic system known to man to finally deal with a struggle. It's a problem when you don't have enough motivation or dedication to working a hard day. Or maybe even that's not the problem. It's not finding the motivation to work on something you supposedly have dedicated your whole life to. Is passion a consistent thing as much as people play it up to be? Or is it a dedication of working on something although you hate it and looking back and then appreciating it? Is passion everything everyone makes it up to be? Then compared to a different problem of actually working to survive and thrive and keep your family safe. I wonder how far this spoiled thinking has rooted itself into my peers and I. My number one thought is that I'll prove myself when the moment is critical. But if I live like that, I'll never be prepared for that moment.

I'm torn between "Don't be too lazy or you'll regret it" and "Life is too short for you to work yourself to the bone". If you love something, work at it. But, also, work at it on your own pace. Sometimes I think people want to be a success at the age 22 when, let's be real, you'll probably be scratching the surface of your career. I don't wanna end this story on a sad note when it started off so cutesy so let's take a good look at more artsy stuff.

I guess, even if it takes a long time, that's okay. DaVinci would bite of more than he can chew but at least he was ambitious. Keep that in mind my friends. Have a beautiful day ♥